Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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