Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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