Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we're making bets on your personal life
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
