cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize