he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
