i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
