We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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