i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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