I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
