birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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