I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
