my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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