Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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