and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize