Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
