So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize