C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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