I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize