I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
