so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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