it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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