I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
