is your mom at the bar?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
