so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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