look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
