dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
