You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
