So drunk its hurt
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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