You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just invented taco cereal.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
