I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
