I got chris browned last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
