Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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