Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
