there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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