end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
