There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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