After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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