hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
