we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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