dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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