got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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