I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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