I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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