ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
