I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
