Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
