Please, let me fuck your mom
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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