Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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