we have officially lost it.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize