we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
