So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
40s are totally the cure
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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