Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
