So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
