At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
