she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
