I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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