Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize