you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
