I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
