my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
