Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
