I seem to have left my pride at pride
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
