I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize